Anticipation: Chapter Eight

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Anticipation OptimizedThe rest of Caitlin’s day took three-fourths of forever to pass, and after her earlier bed, bath and beyond, she was in desperate need of alone time with Jay. She wanted to get the children off to bed as soon as possible — without seeming like a bitch — then drag her man back into their bedroom so she could have her way.

Homework, dinner, minor squabbles, and every other part of the usual routine seemed to stretch each minute into an almost painful elasticity. As Jay finished with the children out in the living room, closing the night and getting the boys ready for bed, Caitlin stood in her closet looking at her short row of barely worn lingerie. She didn’t have much. Jay rarely bought anything for her, though that really wasn’t his fault. She seldom wore it when he did, at least not past the first few times to show she appreciated his gesture. Caitlin didn’t feel comfortable, so after a while Jay stopped buying. Her newest piece was a gift for their 10th anniversary — a black teddy with white lace trim, hanging oddly beside her long overcoat with the fake fur collar that she also never wore.

“You’ll look beautiful in that,” she remembered Jay saying as the silk spilled from its pink box, a bottle and a half of champagne into their evening. “Much prettier than the models.”

“No,” Caitlin shook her head. “You’re just saying that.”

“You’ll look more beautiful to me,” he smiled, slipping behind Caitlin, then wrapping his hands around her waist as he leaned close into her ear. “None of them would ever let me fuck them, so it’s all perspective.” Jay laughed softly, and Caitlin felt his hot breath like a fog of desire behind her.

She did let him fuck her, exactly how she thought he wanted; once in her mouth, then again from behind until he pulled out and screamed, and spilled on her back.

Now her husband wanted a whore.

Now I’m not enough.

After staring at the row of lingerie for five listless minutes, feeling dissatisfied and promising herself a trip to the mall, or maybe Tiny Amsterdam, Caitlin settled on the black teddy with the white lace trim. She pulled it from the row, slipped it from its hanger, draped it on the bed, then left her room to help Jay finish getting the children ready for bed.

The next 18 minutes passed as expected, with too much arguing and not enough speed. Jay was more patient than her, dealing with Max who was in the same phase that Hudson and Alex had left behind, asking no less than 101 “why” questions each night before bedtime. Caitlin spent a few more minutes being a mother before going back into her bedroom to be a slut for her husband.

She slipped into her bedroom, surprised by the rev of her engine, almost shocked by how much she wanted Jay. She stripped to nothing, looking at herself in the full-length mirror, and noticing for the second time that day how hard and pointed her nipples were, complimenting the cinnamon bun’s worth of sticky in between her legs.

Caitlin pulled the teddy over her head, imagining how pretty one of the Passion Now girls would look in the same piece of lingerie. Then, because she couldn’t help it, Caitlin imagined Jay peeling the teddy not off of her, but off of Nadia’s body instead. She imagined him burying her face between her legs and getting lost in the ripe scent of desire. She was surprised how much the thought of Jay with another woman actually served to turn her on.

She climbed into bed, her heart racing as she waited beneath the sheets for Jay, wanting him to crave her, desperate to stir the same desire inside him that he had unintentionally stirred in her.

Three minutes later, Max must have finally stopped asking his endless battery of “why’s” because Jay’s footsteps grew suddenly louder until they were right outside the bedroom door. He went into the bathroom without peeking in at her, and started the water almost immediately.

Caitlin imagined him in the shower; washing his hair, scrubbing his body, and brushing his teeth. She tasted his fresh breath as she kissed his mouth hard in her mind. Caitlin’s fingers strayed between her legs, then hovered; she didn’t want to start without him. She wanted him to feel her gooey center and know it was all for and because of him, wanted Jay to know she was soaking wet from thought alone.

A sudden panic threatened to swallow her.

What if he isn’t turned on?

What if he wants what I can’t do?

What if the fire between us isn’t that hot?

Caitlin told herself to stop being a stupid, worrying bitch, and to excise the ridiculous thoughts that were holding her at the wrists and keeping her a prisoner from the life she deserved to live, both outside the bedroom, and here, right now, between the sheets.

The monsters in the dark only hurt you when you let them.

Pleasure IS possible without pain.

The water stopped. She pictured Jay drying himself with an oversized chocolate colored towel, her anticipation heightening by the second. Again, Caitlin’s fingers drifted between her legs, this time the swelling heat inside her nudged them into a brush against her blushing pink and glistening lips. She lightly started to stroke herself, tempted to bring her other hand up to her almost painfully pert nipples.

A minute later Jay entered the bedroom, eyes widening as he approached the bed. “You’re wearing your black teddy,” he said, eyebrows raised.

“I thought we could have some fun,” Caitlin smiled, feeling awkward.

“Sounds great,” he grinned, peeling the just-put-on shirt from his freshly scrubbed body, then dropping it to the carpet. He followed with his pants. “It looks so pretty on you. You should wear it more often.”

Why is he complaining about what I don’t do?

Stop thinking, Caitlin. Get out of your head.

“Will you please fuck me?” Caitlin whispered.

“Gladly,” he panted, climbing on the bed and slipping an arm beneath her as she arched her back and he planted his hot mouth on hers.

They kissed, like they hadn’t in a while, his tongue swimming between her lips as if in search for something they once shared in some forgotten long ago. Caitlin kissed him back, her tongue meeting his as if to promise him that she had missed it too.

Jay was rock hard and twitching against her leg, inches below where a sticky, gooey, sloppy mess was waiting to slather his pipe, though he seemed focused on the crackle between then more than immediate need.

“I want you inside me,” she whimpered.

“Okay,” he said, lifting his hand from her side, running his thumb along the right nipple of a swollen breast on the way down to his cock. He circled his dick, then ran the swollen shaft up and down along the length of her bulbous clit.

He held her eyes. “You’re soaking wet. What’s gotten into you?”

Isn’t this what you wanted? Why does that have to be something wrong?

“I wanted you all day,” she said as if his words didn’t hurt.

Caitlin pulled her body from his affection, wanting him inside her but wanting him to want her more. She slipped under the covers and planted her face in his crotch, gently slapping his hand and taking his dick in her mouth.

She started slow, licking his shaft and lingering at the crown, flicking her tongue before she swallowed again, lips tight and tongue feathering meat like a feather on her skin, brushing softly against her wet inner cheeks.

Jay moaned, and maneuvered his body to plant his face at her furbox. Still uncomfortable, but a breath to the usual, Cailtin let him. From the second his lips clamped onto her lower ones, her insides got hotter until they crackled like campfire.

Jay licked her pussy like it was ice cream, starting low at her clit and moving upward, fast, parting her lips as he went. His nose was buried in her middle, tickling her as his tongue made laps at her lips, then along the sides and straight into the middle.

“Oh my God, Jay!” Caitlin whispered, breathing heavy and barely keeping the scream in her throat. His tongue, firm and wet and wonderful, felt amazing, soaking through her thin sweater of discomfort.

She kissed the tip of Jay’s dick, tasting the pre-cum which salted his hole. As she made a light circle around his head and again swallowed his shaft, Jay made a groaning moan which sent a soft fog of hot breath blasting up between her legs.

“OH. MY. More of that,” she whimpered, then gave Jay’s dick more of what he loved, flattening her tongue and dragging it along the length of his shaft, starting at the base then rising to the top until she shrouded it between her lips, holding it at the top as she stroked it from the bottom.

Jay’s powerful palms dug hard into her ass, mashing her middle like an apple to his mouth. His tongue turned into a dagger and stabbed between her folds.

Her pussy was goo, but so was everything else. This was the best Caitlin had felt in at least half of forever.

She popped Jay’s cock from her mouth and pulled her pussy from his face. He groaned, both from the missing clit, and from the dick no longer in her mouth.

“What’s wrong?” he panted.

“Nothing,” Caitlin said, peeling the teddy from her body so Jay could look at her tits, which even after three boys and breastfeeding each, he still clearly loved. Her breasts swung from her body as Caitlin crawled on all fours, dragging her flesh across Jay’s chest as his dick twitched beneath her.

Her pussy felt wound so tight, Caitlin was sure she would cum a second after entry. She was ready, but wanted him to think about her as he fell asleep, as his first thought in the morning, and during every waking minute while he was at work the following day.

She took Jay’s cock in her mouth again as the hum in her pussy started to sharpen. Her right hand fingers nested between her sticky legs, churning her butter while the fingers on her left curled around the bottom of his cock, jacking it from the base while she licked at the tip, as if nursing a shot into her mouth.

Her body rattled, euphoria coming.

Jay turned aggressive, fucking her mouth fast and then faster, perhaps to match the oceans of billowing moans.

“Talk dirty to me,” he said.

Caitlin pulled his dick from her lips. “I can’t. I’m sucking your cock.”

“Tell me what you’re doing.”

“If I tell you what I’m doing, then I’m not doing it.” Caitlin could feel the flush on her cheeks as embarrassment swelled.

Why does he have to ask me for shit I can’t give when I’m already giving so much?

Jay groaned, “Please, just tell me what you’re doing.”

Caitlin mumbled with meat in her mouth: “I’m sucking your dick.”

Jay groaned louder. “Say more.”

Caitlin continued to tell Jay she was sucking his cock, that it tasted so good, and that she wished he could spill in her mouth, if she didn’t need and want him in her pussy so bad. Jay seemed underwhelmed. He stopped fucking her mouth and said, “Talk dirty to me!” It sounded less like request and more like demand.

Caitlin froze, her heart beating faster for all the wrong reasons.

What can I do? Or say?

Why does he have to make me feel like I’m in someone else’s ill fitting skin?

This wasn’t in the videos. The videos had beautiful, passionate sex; quiet but for the moaning and sloshing.

“Talk dirty to me!” Jay ordered again.

“Do I have to?” Caitlin asked, feeling slightly less awkward than the time her mother caught her smelling her underwear.

Jay didn’t answer. Instead, he flipped Caitlin so her belly was flat to the mattress. His trim chest pressed hard against her naked back. He slipped his left hand under her stomach and brought his right to her breasts.

He fondled her nipples as Caitlin moaned, from pleasure erupting and relief that she could close her mouth without worry. Jay’s left hand slithered down to her soaking hole.

He restated the obvious. “You’re, really really wet.”

Finding her naughty, she said, “I think you did some of that with your face.

Jay pushed himself closer into her body, warming his dick between her ass cheeks as his left hand rubbed her swollen button.

“Now,” Caitlin said, as nasty as she could, though deep in her heart she knew it wasn’t too nasty at all. “I need you to fuck me as hard as you can.”

She wiggled from beneath him, then raised her ass in the air, closing her eyes and thinking of the video, with Leah on all fours, up on the kitchen counter while Desmond took her from behind.

Caitlin offered herself to her husband, maybe not his whore but certainly his piece of meat. She held her palms flat on the mattress and kept her back straight, waiting for him to take her. After a second of heavy pressure between her cheeks, Jay slid himself inside.

Caitlin felt suddenly full, and despite the embarrassment of not being able to deliver his dirty talk, she realized exactly how turned on she was as her body almost involuntarily bucked against him. Her hole was swollen as Caitlin panted with need, hungry and willing for whatever Jay wanted to give her.

She spun her hips, milking his dick for her pleasure, knowing if she was happy, he would be happy too.

He’d be happier if you were his whore. He said so himself. 

Jay fucked her faster as his hands splayed into her ass, digits digging deep into her flesh, caressing and spreading so he could ram her faster as his hips slapped at the back of her thighs and left a loud slosh behind.

Juices dribbled down her leg as lava boiled in her belly, threatening eruption. Her tight hole squeezed Jay’s jackhammer as her stomach tightened in knots.

Caitlin’s fingers curled into the bedsheets. She bit her bottom lip to murder a scream. Her world spun with the reality of what was and all that could be. Caitlin kept her eyes closed to keep the spinning from whirling away. With her eyes closed, it was easy to imagine.

Caitlin saw their first time, waiting beside his bed, unsure. Timid. She had been with men before, but never one she felt so drawn too. Never one she truly believed could be the one, even before he asked her out. Never before had she looked at someone so long, wanting to hear words aimed at her so much. It took four dates before they made love, but for the first time in her life, Caitlin would have done it at one.

He sat at the edge of the bed, patting the space beside him. Caitlin sat, knees drawn to her chest and arms wrapped around them. He pulled her piled hair so it spilled down her back, then tucked a fat strand behind her shoulders as he lay his lips to her bare skin, starting with a row of kisses on her left shoulder, then setting a trail of fire down the front of her chest to where his lips met the open neck of her shirt. 

He peeled the shirt from his body to make room for Caitlin’s palms. Her fingers crawled onto his flesh, sweeping his broad shoulders before drawing him closer. He smiled, held a hand to nudge her back, then lifted her pretty blouse — creamy white with a strand of embroidered flowers along the neckline, bought just so he would tell her she looked pretty — over her head, added it to the pile started by his collared poplin, then pushed softly on her shoulders and lowered her to the mattress. 

Jay pulled off her skirt, slid it slowly from her hips, and kissed her skin as he pulled the skirt from her body. Caitlin stripped her panties and bra while Jay undressed then lay beside her, running his hand from the bottom of her neck to hip bones by way of her back.  

His hand met her slit. Tensed, she shook. Jay gently nudged her leg to the side and tortured her with pleasure by exploring her soaking hole and sending small waves of pleasure through her body, from his fingers into a current that spread in her insides like branches out from a tree. 

His thumb massaged her clit as he worked his fingers in and out of her pussy.

Words weren’t possible, so Caitlin only nodded. Jay maneuvered his body between her legs, and positioned his dicktip against her soaking wet hole. 

“My God, you’re so tight…” he said.

Caitlin crashed back to reality as Jay screamed behind her.

“Tell me you want me to cum on your face!”

What? Cum on my face? You’ve never asked me that before!

Caitlin said nothing, but whimpered through the pressure of his pounding.

Jay growled, either angry that Caitlin wouldn’t tell him to cum on her face, or fueled by the intensity of his assault. Even if she didn’t want him to cum on her face — she wasn’t sure that she didn’t, but had never been presented with the thought until it was screamed through a fucking — she wanted to say it. Caitlin wanted Jay to know she could. He was boiling at the base, ready to fill her with the syrup that put him to sleep.

Jay growled again, but Caitlin couldn’t force words through her mouth. She felt like a failure, and wanted to wither. Instead, she bucked her ass faster, and lost herself to their mutual rhythm.

Pleasure without pain.

A universe exploded through her body. Caitlin came, not once, but enough times to make her stop counting. Her moaning drowned Jay’s as it stretched toward crescendo and rained ribbons of pleasure all over her limbs and the torso that held them, as if orgasm was kissing all of her at once.

As her universe exploded, Jay’s flew from his body in four sharp blasts, a staccato of cock spit shooting out from his cockhole, then landing with a spatter and run inside her.

When Caitlin finished trembling, Jay dug his thumbs into her hips and turned her around, then held her tight and stared in her eyes. His cock was softening but hard enough to stay somewhat buried inside her. He kissed her on the cheek. “I love you,” he said. “You were wonderful.”

Jay collapsed on his back, heaving, then after a second lifted his body and leaned over the edge of the bed, grabbed one of the larger pillows from the floor and hugged it to his body.

He would be snoring in seconds, leaving Caitlin alone with her thoughts.

In two minutes, Jay was snoring and Caitlin was feeling inadequate. Sad, despite the amazing sex, which seemed almost like a crime. But not giving Jay what he wanted marred every part of her thought.

Why can’t I talk dirty? Why can’t I be his fucking whore?

Caitlin wished they had never had the conversation, that she never brought it up or asked him what he wanted. She wished Jay didn’t want what she couldn’t give, then wished she could give it.

More than anything, Caitlin wondered what Jay was thinking, and wishing there was some way she could know. Did he think she was good enough? He was always trying to make everything better, and did most of the time, but she didn’t feel like being one of those things.

Jay and Caitlin agreed that a good life was about doing things well, so why would sex be different? Even if he was disappointed in their sex life, was there anything wrong with that? If Jay was unsatisfied, was it part of her job, as his partner and wife, to change it?

Was “good enough” really good enough?

No. It wasn’t.

Before children they rattled headboards with the best of them. She knew that part was still inside her, and that she had to find it for Jay. If guys thought about sex every eight minutes, how many of his minutes were hers? If she wasn’t his fantasy, who was? Caitlin wanted all of his minutes, but more importantly, she wanted to earn them.

We aren’t incompatible, we’re not slowing down, and the best part of our lives is only now starting. 

Caitlin repeated the mantra until finally falling asleep sometime after midnight, mind peaceful knowing she would fix what was broken, for both of them. Wives who thought the way to a man’s heart was through the kitchen, obviously couldn’t cut it in the bedroom. She had it in one, and dammit, from now on she would have it in the other.

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